I had forgotten how good it feels. To drag that blade across your skin. To feel the pain but then be overcome with a sense of relief, of letting it go. To see the crimson blood trickle down your skin and to know that you are still capable of feeling something. The scary part of this is the manic smile which extends across my face after opening my skin. This time was scarier as I couldnt find a blade and was freaking out, I need to cut, I needed to feel something. I have been feeling so much lately that it has just become numbness. My head has been so scattered and it is painful. Living is painful. The pretending to keep everyone else happy is draining, stealing all of my energy. Living is tiring.
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